Dialogue with heart for nonviolent communication


Welcoming and a circle arrangement

Gospel reading from The Samaritan Woman: John 4, 5-26

A reading from the holy Gospel according to John.
So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans. Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband.

The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”


dialogo 02


Brief presentation of the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

Drawing from ancient Mexican wisdom, Don Miguel Ruiz talks about the “agreements”:

- Imagine that you are living a completely new life, a life where you are free to be who you really are. You no longer rule your behavior according to what others might think of you.
- Imagine you are living without judging yourself and judging others, and without fear of being judged. You accept yourself the way you are and you are able to accept everyone else just the way they are.
- Imagine you are living a life free of conflict. You respect yourself and everyone else, and they respect you in return.
- Imagine you are living your life without fear of expressing yourself and without being afraid to explore life. You live without fear, without feelings of guilt, without shame, without regrets.
- Imagine that you love yourself just the way you are. You love your body just the way it is, and you love your emotions just the way they are.
- Imagine being able to truly enjoy your life simply by being yourself. Imagine this personal freedom!

This way of life is possible and it is within your reach. The four agreements are a lifestyle that can transform your relationships with yourself and others.

- Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Only say what you mean to say. Avoid using words to say bad things about yourself and about others. Use the power of the word for truth and love.
- Do not take anything personally. Nothing that others do is your fault. People say and do things as a projection of their own lives. If you are not subject to the opinions and actions of others, you will not be a victim of infinite suffering.
- Do not put up with anything. Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate with others with the greatest clarity possible, to avoid misunderstandings, bitterness and drama.
- Always do your best. Your best changes all the time, it is different when you feel ill and when you feel well. No matter what the circumstance, simply do your best and avoid judging yourself, avoid being rude to yourself and having regrets.

Moreover, let us also take a hint from Marshall B. Rosenberg who talks of Nonviolent Communication (NVC):

NVC puts us in touch with ourselves and with others and allows our empathic nature to blossom. It helps us concentrate with awareness on four things:

1) what we observe;
2) what we feel;
3) what we need;
4) what we would like to receive to enrich our lives.

NVC fosters deep listening, attentiveness and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart

Talking without introducing judgment

When someone communicates with us in a negative way, there are four ways we can choose to receive the message:

       a. blame ourselves.
       b. blame others.
       c. perceive our feelings or our needs.
       d. perceive feelings and needs hidden in the other person's negative message

Time for some practical applications and sharing

Published: July 25, 2016